
I stepped into this year carrying the weight of heartbreak. My baby cat was sick – cancer. The word alone was enough to shake me, but reality was crueler. He left too soon, and I've been grieving in ways I don't know how to put into words. Every time I scroll through my phone and see his little face, hear his tiny meows in old videos, the tears come without asking. I cry. I sleep. I cry again. And somehow, the world keeps spinning like nothing happened.
Maybe that's why everything feels dull. I go through the motions, but nothing clicks. No spark, no excitement. Just a fog I can't seem to shake off. And to top it off, my body decided to turn against me too. I've been sick for weeks, in and out of clinics, taking more medication than meals. My period is all over the place, food doesn't sit right, and I feel like I'm running on empty.
It's almost comical like if my body and mind had a secret meeting and collectively decided, "Let's make her suffer."
And work? I've put it on pause. For the first time in a long time, I stepped back and told my clients I couldn't do it. It scared me, admitting that. I didn't want to be unreliable, but thankfully, they understood. Still, it doesn't feel like me. This lost, sluggish version of myself – it's not me. But maybe that's the thing about grief and exhaustion. It shifts you into someone unrecognizable for a while.
I don't know when, but I'll find my way back. And when I do, you'll know it.
I am sending you so much love Lenne because I know how hard it is to lose a pet! I promise, one day it won't hurt as much. Trust me it still hurts but it gets better. I am here if you need to talk. Feel free to message me on Insta.
ReplyDeleteJennifer
https://curatedbyjennifer.com
So sorry to hear about your cat. It is truly heartbreaking to lose a beloved pet. Sending thoughts of comfort and may you find strength to get through this difficult time.
ReplyDeleteLenne, I'm so sorry to hear about your cat, I myself know the pain of losing a much loved pet. Please dont rush grieving, take all the time you need. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteOlivia | www.theoliviaedit.co.uk
Oh love, I'm so sorry that it has been hard lately. You have every right to take a step back and grieve. I hope you have a support system that can be of assistance if needed during this time. Sometimes talking about things, (whether to family, friends, a counselor, whoever) can help. Sending love.
ReplyDeletexoxo,
Sydney
www.thelotuslist.com